20/5 Fuck Fuck Fuck
I'm going out with the gaaals! Wow, it's gonna be so much fun, haven't seen them in awhile, with my crazy L and her even crazier sister M. The first thing revealed as I enter pre party mode is that L & M met up with My Ex B last Friday.
"Well that I know. He already told me."
What he didn't say was that he was dancing the nasty with some blond babe, L regretfully tells me. Or she said something more like:
"He danced the nasty with some blond bimbo"
Me being blond, perhaps not bimbo is not in a position to judge the blonds. Then M tells me that he was so drunk that he didn't know his left left for his right. "He was drunk dancing and she was humping his legg" L tells me that she didn't see much else but that he definitely wasn't happy to see them. After this you can imagine my party mood went from up to down. Later Miss S joins us, an old friend of My Ex B... She wasn't happy with him at all.
"Can't believe that he is holding this girl kissing her, less than a week after you broke up! I was so pissed I didn't even say hi!"
When I heard her version my heart sank. I saw RED! I tell you, I jumped up from the floor ready for attack. Things were raging through my mind.
"He said he hadn't done anything - he lied"
"Has he done more - my heart will soon explode"
"Now I can't see him tonight - I was supposed to sleep over - Hell NO!"
"He knew I was gonna see L & M tonight - is he such a coward, not to say antyhing?"
The same time the girls were having a fit, talking all at once.
S: can't believe he did that so son after you broke up...
L: did he think he could go out in Västerås and NO one would see him doing the nasty?
M: well he was really wasted so he probably didn't know what he was doing
I calmed down, sent a message asserting that I wasn't to go to his place now that I heard what happened last Friday. And that we should talk later, i.e. tomorrow. Well he didn't understand shit, called me 32 times, sent messages... my white bag shown like a disco ball all night.
The messages read: "What is it, what's happening? Trying to call. Tell me what it is!" and so on. When he gave up calling me he started calling my friend L. Finally I told her she should answer and explain to the apparently oblivious ex what he had done. He kind of denied it for a while and we fought all night. Ended with him wanting to come over... me saying no. But he did come over the next day...
19/5 Contact Count Down
After two weeks spent in a state of a kind of intoxication, induced by the exhilarating feeling of sudden freedom, I hit rock bottom, and my high became pure torture. I can't say that this intoxication was easy in any way, it's all kind of a blur. The no contact policy was broken (by me) when I realized that I had an overwhelming urge to vent my feelings as I was slowly coming out from my blurriness. All these thought and feelings just had to get out, and only to one person, My Ex B...
So last week-end I called him, we talked it felt good. Decided to have semi contact and meet up next week-end. We made a bargain to try to be really honest with each other. Aaaand one point of honesty was important for us, or shall I say me, the point of saying if one of us do something with the opposite sex... hum.
Well I'm not gonna go into the specifics of doing something, you all know it! What that entails, that is! So anyway. We concluded that we both still were Single Virgins. No taking of the ex virginity so to say. To me that felt good to know, silly me.
As my mom later said, "It's non of your business, he is young, supposed to F**k around. The more he does it the sooner he gets that it's not the way to go." Yeah, my mom said so...
10 WAYS GETTING OVER YOUR EX
Get over your ex list!
Oki so now it's been a while since I broke up with my B... or shall I say Ex B. So do I feel like I've gotten over him. To be honest I don't know, this newly single is tricky shit. Feels like I may have done something wrong... or am I missing some important ingredient? Well lets find out! Searching the internet I soon came a cross this article.
10 SÄTT ATT KOMMA ÖVER DITT EX
Drick, träna - och hitta någon hetare.
10 WAYS GETTING OVER YOUR EX
(My translation)
1. Drick
Dra ihop ett gäng kompisar och tillbringa en kväll i alkoholens tecken där du endast förringar och förlöjligar det motsatta könet. Hetsa alla att prata skit om sina ex och jävliga breake-ups.
1. Get Drunk
Get together with friends and spend the evening drinking. The topic of the evening being the total slaughter and ridicule of the opposite sex. Bait the crowd to talk bull about their exes and bad break-ups.
(My translation)
My observations
Well, I got the drinking down which isn't difficult to do. However, lets face facts, no way I could hate men... ok I could hate some men. But who would waste a whole night bad talking your exes. Not interesting enough... And even worse! Creating a hysteric bunch of bitter bitches before going out... that just sounds dangerous, especially if we are talking about my girlfriends! That's just asking for trouble!
2. Rebound
Med någon yngre och hetare. Tumma aldrig på denna regel.
2. Rebound
With someone younger and hotter. Never disregard this rule.
(My translation)
My observations
Hahaha, oki. Well to be honest I've done that, and it works. But the case is that I usually end up dating the rebound for a year or more. Then I break up and find a younger and hotter guy and date that one... and break up in search for... younger fresher meat. *Roar*
In conclusion, what I need now is a 16-17 year-old super manly sexy hairy boy with a body to die for, with a major big one and hair that shines so the light blinds you and eyes that make your legs shake and a smile that makes it tingle between the legs.
Well maybe it could be done, but donno if I want that or if there is some one like that, Oh and I don't want to get arrested... since I turn 27 this year.
3. Kolla tv
Tjejer: Sex and the City. Finns ingenting som gör att du vill vara singel (och bara ligga runt) lika mycket som de här fyra mansslukerskorna. Killar: Entourage. Se ovan, byt ut Cosmopolitans mot trekanter och sann man-love mellan Ari och Lloyd. Grymt.
3. Watch TV
Women: Sex and the City. So there is no other show that makes you wanna be single (and fuck around) as much as these four man eaters. Men: Entourage. See the above, exchanging Cosmopolitans for threesomes and true man love between Ari and Lloyd. Rules!
(My translation)
My observations
I say WHAT! Well first of all I don't watch TV. Not much anyway. Second of all TV is depressing. If you wanna stay depressed, watch TV. Otherwise DON'T. Second of all, if I got the author right, this entourage show is all about gay guys having sex... I bet all newly single guys turn at lest a bit gayish and yearn to watch real man love between Ari and Lloyd. (oki I know they ain't gay) Third of all, isn't the whole idea with sex in the city for all four women to find a man and get married?
4. Träna
Hjälper dig att blåsa ut huvudet och, om så bara för en värdefull stund, få bort allt grubblande. Sedan underlättar det alltid att träffa sitt ex i lite bättre trim. Det är ego-boost.
4. Work Out
Helps you to forget, even only for a while. Takes away all pondering. And as an extra ego boost, its always nice to meet your ex looking trimmer than before.
(My translation)
My observations
Well yes, it's always good to work out. But it doesn't make you forget. I cried the first day in the gym. And remember that your ex is probably working his or her assss of trying to look good for the new love bunnies they expect to meet in the near future. So you gotta work harder and longer in order to make the better impression. Is it really worth the fuss?
5. Deal with it
Visst, ha din lilla sorgetid, men försök även i de mest svåra stunder, att låta bli att tänka på att ni kanske kommer att bli tillsammans igen. Allting förändras, kärlek likaså. Gilla läget.
5. Deal with it (haha Sweden is sooo Americanized)
Sure, have your time in morning. But even in the toughest times, try NOT to think you'll end up together in the end. Everything changes, even love. Deal with it.
(My translation)
My observations
Exactly. The truth of the day. Life's a bitch and then you die, so have fun living it and don't get stuck in a bad relationship your whole life. One time broken up, ok, maybe you had a drunken fight. Make up sex and your good to go! Two times broken up, hmmm perhaps things need to change, work on it. Three times broken up... Face it, it's broken, can't be fixed. Yalla baby let's go.
6. Fokusera
Glöm inte allt det du hatade med ditt ex, hur fanskapet tuggade högt eller stönade högt varje gång han skulle träffa dina kompisar. Oavsett hur förbannat kära ni var, finns det garanterat saker du störde dig oändligt på. Gör detta till ditt återkommande minne.
6. Focus
Remember everything annoying about your ex, how loud the fucker chewed or how loud the brute complained when he had to socialize with your friends. However much you were in love, I guarantee that there is something that bothered you. So remember that, frequently.
(My translation)
My observations
Been there tried that, it just made me cry. Remembering all the mean things he said and did. Why torture yourself? Well, on the other hand, it could be a useful instrument if your ex is near and really looking good, smelling like love, lips red and kissable. THEN, imagine him yelling and cursing you instead. That should decrease the swelling of the secret love grotto...
7. Svält
När vi gör slut och allting suger, är det ofta svårt att finna motivation till att äta. Utnyttja detta, ta din nyfunna kropp ut på stan - och insup komplimanger och drinkar.
7. Starvation
When we break up and life sucks it's hard to find the motivation to eat. Use this and take your new found body down town - and savor compliments as well as drinks.
(My translation)
My observations
Say what! We starve ourselves all year around... why find more reasons for starvation. Not only are we supposed to work out and starve ourselves add some drinks on that an I guarantee that you'll find yourself in the ex boyfriend's bed the next morning with major anxiety and a head ache like you've never had before!
8. Underskatta inte ditt marknadsvärde
Det är så lätt att vackla efter ett uppbrott och underskatta sig själv. Försök istället att komma ihåg hur många som tycker att du är helt fantastisk, och att det finns skäl till det. Alla relationer, långa som korta är ett nytt tillfälle att "göra om, göra rätt". Nu kör vi!
8. Don't underestimate your market-value
It's easy to underestimate yourself after a break up. Instead try to remember how many who think you are totally fabulous, and that there is a reason for that. Every relationship, short or long, is a new opportunity to "do over, do right". Do it, do it!
(My translation)
My observations
The author has a point. No comment.
9. Drick
Jaja, vi vet att vi inte bör uppmuntra alkoholkonsumtion, och visst det är ingen långsiktig fix. Men, en ordentlig bläcka bör inte underskattas, se det mer som en Alvedon som dämpar smärta och måsten. Viktigt: Glöm inte alkolås på telefonen (det vill säga en obeveklig vän som inte under några omständigheter viker sig).
9. Get Drunk!
No, you shouldn't promote alcoholism, and it's not a long term solution. But, a real good drunken daze is not to be underestimated, look at it like a paracetamol that dulls the pain and have to's . Warning: Don't forget the alcohol lock on your cell (ei. a good firm friend who under no circumstances let's her/his guard down).
(My translation)
My observations
Spirits are my best friends what keeps me going. I love Vodka in the morning. It really wakes you up! Works better then Listerin mouth wash. Beer for lunch, when you need a pick me up to cope with the rest of the day. And vine in the evening, just to relax and really goes good with a cigarette or two. Just before bed, a sweet liquor to keep me warm at night. Oh, and I don't feel a thing, no pain.
10. Bli glad (Överkurs)
Försök att fokusera på allt som är sådär fantastiskt och glatt i ditt liv just nu. Tänk på ditt grymma jobb, softa kompisar och de härliga höstkläderna. Lyckas du med detta, maila mig. Jag lyckas fan inte.
10. Happiness (extra curricular activity)
Try focus on everything fantastic and jolly in your life. Your kick ass job, cool friends and this years heavenly fall collection. If you succeed, mail me. I just cant fucking do it.
(My translation)
My observations
Well I'm not surprised... Ann's 10 steps will soon come :)
Relapse no 1
Oki, so total relapse. Woke Saturday morning, feeling like it’s the end of the world. Not in a hang-over-way, at least not THAT much. Energy levels at zero, missing love contact, missing my ex B. Too much, trying to remind me why I broke up, making me even more depressed.
Crying
The day kinda crawled by. I watched my favorite hunk Will Smith in Hancock, such a funny movie, well I laughed and cried and laughed and cried, emotion overload, kinda like a metaphase lady watching Oprah.. haha. At nine o’clock I sent him a message, donno if I should have. Well he was at a party and busy so didn’t see it until later, but got a call from him after 1 at night and 1.30 and 2 and 2.30 approximately. He asked if I needed him, if he should come over, and my whole heart and body needed him, wanted his kisses, arms, love and security.
No Sleep
But no, I said no! Didn’t get much sleep… woke up feeling like a zombie… had a long talk with B while I was sun bathing the next day. Felt good, I think, not sure. I realized a lot of things. Things that really hurt. It is over. So over, but I’m not taking it like I used to. Before I used to go back to an old lover or new ;) but this time, it’s all about love. So no guys for me. I’m so ready for single life, but does it necessarily mean having a lonely life? I’m so confused. Emotional rollercoaster.
More Crying
Well imagine my surprise when B and some of his totally lovable friends turn up out of the blue at the train station, I was so happy to see them, and so sad, cause I’m not one of them any more. My heart exploded when B’s best girl friend gave me a warm hug and asked me how it was, all I could do was turn around and try to swallow my tears… all I could do was to think don’t cry, don’t look at him, don’t love them, don’t miss them. Well I ended up in tears all the way home. Feeling alone and lonely, thinking of whom I should call, ending up calling no one. Remembering them walking away on the other side of the railway. Feeling left out and miserable. Wondering what to do now…
6 Days In Love Rehab :)
Ok, my life is officially back on track. Yesterday was spent raging against my stubborn cold, I won! Since I am more than a bit determined to be happy and explore life again I jumped on the train to Västerås to join an old guy friend and his woman and a friend for a drink in a bar. Never set foot in the bar before since it's a grown up bar... figures that I'm actually grown up now! When did that happen? After a bear and lots of laughs and discourse on the finer irony of life, we hopped to the next bar finally ending up at BMB, Blue Moon Bar.
The Butt Boy
This grandiose place has 4 dance floors and lots and lots of ridiculously horny and desperate men... not my favorite flavor. This one dude originally from Morocco started out friendly enough. Talked to all of us, non flirty until he joined us on the dance floor where he engaged in this tribal but shaking hands flying sort of a courting dance. He kept on doing the 70ies but bumping but thingi on me, which I grew seriously annoyed with. It wasn't until my new girl friend warned me about his attentions and apparent interest in me that I realized it was me he was trying to court. Haha. The situation grew worse when his friend joined us in the same manner apparently aiming on getting my friend by an even worse tribal shake. Me and new friend hastily fled the scene not even bothering to give a good explanation. The guy more or less chased us lurking outside the bathroom... jeees.
The Bailing Boy
After a long evening of dance laughs new and old friends I found my voice failing and legs throbbing. It was time to go home. Since my mom lives in the countryside there aren't any busses... more or less. And I found that the buss wasn't gonna leave until 02.30 and it was 24.30... well it was more or less what I had suspected.
What I didn't expect to find at the bus stop was a guy lying motionless on the bench, no jacket in the freezing night air. Me, being a good citizen immediately checked for vital signs, receiving a loud drunken snore. I was tying to shake life into the poor bastard when a taxi drove up beside us asking if we needed help. "I don't but he certainly does, can't leave him in the cold like this" taxi man jumped out of the car and assisted me with the drunken doosh. 5 min later we were both in the taxi on our way, apparently we live in the same area. I had 70 kr only. The drunk said he had money and the Taxi man believed him. I didn't. I didn't wanna take responsibility and said so. The drunk sat murmuring and laughing by himself in the back seat while the Taxi man tried to hmmm flirt... to my surprise it was a nice ride. I enjoyed his harmless flirting almost as much as Mr drunk apparently did. He acted as if he wasn't sure where he lived. I told taxi man straight out that this guy was gonna bail. Mr drunk sniggered nervously and Taxi man shrugged it off saying "nooo he will pay". Oops I thought when Mr Drunk juped out of the back seat falling in to a bush trying to flee through a dark garden in a drunken trot. Mr Taxi didn't hesitate just murmuring it's not about the money as he sprang from the car in a hot pursuit. I turned of the car and stepped out hearing bustling and shouting in the distance. Mr taxi came back with a smile on his face shouting it was not about the money with a triumphant grin and Baling Boy's cell in his hand. After commiserating his bad luck and complaining about how untrustworthy people can be he dropped me off at my place with 70kr and 1 cell and 1 more taxi story to tell. He seemed content with the outcome. And I fell asleep with a smile thinking that life is kinda exiting anyway.
Cheers from Love Rehab! <3
Day 5 in the Kindome of Singelain :)
Wow who could have known single life was like this? To be honest I must have forgotten the feeling of singeldome. Ok day 2 was just as shitty as day 1 but something happened that evening which made me kinda snapp out of it. I realized that I've already spent so many days sad and miserable in the relationship so why bother with that when I'm out of it. What is more, I realized that now I can choose my own drama. I don't have to take no one else's drama no more! Haha! If that isn't liberating I donno what is!
Anyway, I spent lots of time with my friends or talking to them on the phone. I think I kind of forgot that I actually had so many friends. Or to be honest, I didn't wanna talk to them when all I had to talk about was my miserable stat of my relationship. Who wants to hear about that all the time?
So I had a girls night out with my crazy Lo, who by the way just found love! It was sooo nice to see her all loved up by this random guy she kinda picked up in da mountains, no Im not joking. Well we sipped (gulped) Perlerosé mmmm. Just like we did 8 years ago in similar conduct. Then I suggested that we should go out (it was Wednesday) and we went to this place called Achor! Oh it was super nice! Billion Dollar Babies Played 80is Rock. The singer was out of this world, so charismatic with his long super curly red hair, Ann was I rock heaven! The nex day I was kinda tired :D even though the night had ended early. Hehe
I met an old friend for some intense coffee the next evening. It actually made me really happy to see her, she was just like before, but older and wiser. Hope I see her again, would be nice to have her as a close friend again. We were a bit crazy together, best friends when we were 15-18 or something like that, so have really crazy memories with her. Haha. We did like everything together laughing all over the place. Two naughty girls...doing everything your not supposed to do. Think I could go for that again, definitely!
This week-end I'll spend at my moms recovering from the flue... Maybe go for a road trip in the country. Over and out.
Starting over and moving on...
Oki, most of us have been there, in that place where you've just broken up with someone and you're confronted with a new day without a person you build most of your life around. Yes yes... but what if you still loved that person in such a passionate way that you feel that every time you think of him you cannot breathe. What to do? Well it's decided and you just have to minimize the anxiety.
Day 1 of no contact
Woke up in a daze with no idea what was wrong. When my brain registered my new situation I just turned it of and put on my iPod and started my morning routine. Boring but it has to be done doesn't it? Ate a sausage and headed of to the gym, yes a sausage... Worked my as of to music that should have no bearing on my emotions. Alas, sitting in a machine I felt the tears coming but fought them off working even harder. I didn't give a shit that an old man gazed at me in concern. Me grunting and crying...
To my relief we had a kick as busy day at work. Lots of drama that I'm not allowed to talk about according to my contract... hehe. I only felt like crying 2 times or was it 4. I realized that I now have 2 weeks of vacation and no boyfriend to spend it with. Fuck that, I'm going to do something so fun crazy I can dream about it and long for it all summer without feeling my heart break...
Now that I'm single I realize that I haven't tried to talk to my coworkers for real for as long as I've worked here. Oki everyday chit chat but not really whole hearted, this is kind of strange, but it's like there has only been room for my B in my heart and life. With all the drama and passion going on, there was no room for the rest of my life. So anyway, I realized that I have some really fun gals working here. And I enjoy talking to them, and I find myself almost laughing for real again! I was so surprised that I almost felt embarrassed when I couldn't stop smiling after a nice coffee break.
My evening was more ore less a disaster, to depressing to talk about... today is another day!
