Relapse no 1
Oki, so total relapse. Woke Saturday morning, feeling like it’s the end of the world. Not in a hang-over-way, at least not THAT much. Energy levels at zero, missing love contact, missing my ex B. Too much, trying to remind me why I broke up, making me even more depressed.
Crying
The day kinda crawled by. I watched my favorite hunk Will Smith in Hancock, such a funny movie, well I laughed and cried and laughed and cried, emotion overload, kinda like a metaphase lady watching Oprah.. haha. At nine o’clock I sent him a message, donno if I should have. Well he was at a party and busy so didn’t see it until later, but got a call from him after 1 at night and 1.30 and 2 and 2.30 approximately. He asked if I needed him, if he should come over, and my whole heart and body needed him, wanted his kisses, arms, love and security.
No Sleep
But no, I said no! Didn’t get much sleep… woke up feeling like a zombie… had a long talk with B while I was sun bathing the next day. Felt good, I think, not sure. I realized a lot of things. Things that really hurt. It is over. So over, but I’m not taking it like I used to. Before I used to go back to an old lover or new ;) but this time, it’s all about love. So no guys for me. I’m so ready for single life, but does it necessarily mean having a lonely life? I’m so confused. Emotional rollercoaster.
More Crying
Well imagine my surprise when B and some of his totally lovable friends turn up out of the blue at the train station, I was so happy to see them, and so sad, cause I’m not one of them any more. My heart exploded when B’s best girl friend gave me a warm hug and asked me how it was, all I could do was turn around and try to swallow my tears… all I could do was to think don’t cry, don’t look at him, don’t love them, don’t miss them. Well I ended up in tears all the way home. Feeling alone and lonely, thinking of whom I should call, ending up calling no one. Remembering them walking away on the other side of the railway. Feeling left out and miserable. Wondering what to do now…
