Ann's Guide Life

How do you know if you’re going insane? My grandma once told me that aliens visited her in the night, and they tried to hump her. My aunt once peed in the sofa for some reason my family does not talk about, and it’s not that she has bladder problems. I guess madness runs in the family. At least that’s what my sister always said when I was younger.

 

Aren’t insane people supposed to be insane and not know about it? Is insomnia, deep grief and tremendous life pressure enough to drive you crazy? I know hearing constant cell phone ringing is less than sane. The crying isn’t strange but my lack of appetite worries me. I haven’t coped to go further than to the laundry room in 2 days. I’m shaky and I have physical pain, and I can’t work. Just waiting for the extras to come pay me a visit.

 

I think that people drive you crazy. And I know there are some things no one should have to go through. And if grandma’s brain coped with tough shit by imagining aliens and who knows what more, I guess I’m lucky I hear phones…

 

I don’t know how I got here, I Just know I got to get out. I wish that I’ll just pull trough and leave crazy town with a larger bullshit bag and perhaps a hotter body.  Well I’m working on it.

I heard that life is all about the choices you make. Really now? If that were so then you would have a relatively predictable life. If you make the “right” decisions you should get the “right” results, no? What you deserve, yes? What’s coming to you, absolutely? In Sweden we say “Som man bäddar får man ligga” kind of like, if you make your bed you have to lay in it.

 

I think all these proverbs are crap. It’s all about chance, you never know what you’ll get. So its better to have a well equipped bullshit bag, and never forget it on the transfer buss. You get taught never to lie, cheat, steal or get violent. But what do you do when you are in the real world where 99,99% do all this? You can live your life in a respectable way, and still get shit because the less respectable will drive right over you, and laugh.

 

I meet these people most every week. Usually, in small amounts. But these last days have been crowded with crazy people.

 

We have the people who are taught how to charm and take the easy way out… no responsibilities at all. These are the bull shitters. You know them on sight. They will find small pretend problems for you to solve in order to get a dinner or some sympathy.

 

And then we have the real psychos, who really know how everything is, never do wrong and have a violent streak. The narcissists.  Don’t piss them off because then you are in trouble. Or so they definitely will threaten. They actually believe they have a problem, even though they don’t, and if you explain to them that there is no problem… well then you are in big shit. And they are either lawyers, journalists or they know someone in the company. RUN when you see them.

 

Then we have the drug addicts and alcoholics who end up in a real bad place and want someone else to get them out of the bad situation. When you can’t help them they lie, scream and talk shit about you and everyone around. They make fools of themselves. And they make your life miserable. They will get robbed, abused or beaten up… take your pick. And usually they travel with no money, or young children or simply unspecified…

 

Well there are a lot of less than respectable people out there, and unfortunately I’ve had them in my face the last couple of days. Makes me think who I really am. Respectable or not. Good or bad. Because if I can handle them, I must have a large bullshit bag, and where in the world did I get that? Hmmm

I have planned to buy a sailboat and sail away my broken heart. No, I haven’t. But right now it sound to me like a good idea. If it weren’t for my fantastical job, yes I do mean in the sense fantastical, I couldn’t cope with all the feelings in my body. How can heart break actually hurt, and in my whole body?

A few days ago I thought things were going good, I was starting to feel strong and work was “happening”. It’s a good distraction working crazy hours, not to forget having nice perks. Every month we have monthly rewards, this is really fun, a half day doing nice things together and then rewarding our best colleges of the month. It’s a day for smiles and laughter. This time we went out with a Pirate Ship and enjoyed the sea, good food and excellent views. I sat at the best table with some of the most awesome girls I’ve ever met. And yes they are as crazy as me, think you have to have a crazy gene to stay in this job longer than one season.

 

So why the broken heart? Your thinking get over it, you dumped the guy so what’s up with all the complaining. Believe me, I’m thinking the same. But what goes on in my brain is not how the rest of my body reacts… I have been shit hard with my decision not to go back to him since we couldn’t cope with our problems. But I do think somewhere deep inside, hidden, I wished and hoped he would change and we would get married and have bambinos and live happily ever after. He actually asked me the other day if I still would say yes if he asked me to marry him. I was surprised, panicked and thought yes no yes no yes no, I don’t know, how can he ask me that? And instead I said, “It depends on how nice ring you buy”. A few days later I said that I didn’t want to marry him, ever. Mostly because it was the right thing to say. Wasn’t it?

 

In hindsight, I don’t know what was right. Should I have been so hard with him or not? It’s not like you can keep your ex after you break up with him, or can you? Well anyhow, he invited me to the bar, he was gonna make me a diabolo mohito, a drink we “found” on our latest vacation, and he had just found out how to do it. So I got dressed up, yes stupid me got all dolled up for him, went out with my colleges and went to the bar. As I was speaking to his college 4m from him I saw how he started to make out with a girl… and my world shattered. I didn’t know what to do at all. Walked towards them, and he didn’t stop kissing her. I wished for him to stop, that it wasn’t true. And then I exploded, grief, anger, hate came out and then just huge sadness… After he had sex with her and now I’m here. And I can’t believe it happened, I can’t justify my sadness and I can’t breathe.

 

Since I was little my mom has taught me to love nature and all it’s beauty. The Island of Crete gives you more than enough opportunities for great pictures. So here are a few in honor of my lovely mom!

It's there I promise!

All work. These last couple of days were all about sweat. I love transfers and excursions, BUT I hate sitting in the guide seat, it’s like a Finnish sauna! I’m not joking. Not to forget, service, with no air con… that sucks. And the more you think about how warm you are the more you sweat! Really a vicious circle. To boot I was not feeling good in the end of the week. You know bad stomach, no more details necessary.

And play. My day off! I love being off, and not hung over. Usually guides are hung over on their off days, not me... haha. That’s the way it is. Why? Well I have this idea. We spend all week being strict and professional, not human really. We take shit, praise and take care of all kinds of people with all imaginable trauma in their lives. Then when we know we are free we go all out!

 

When you have a normal job/life you have time to have this regular ventilation time. But guide life is different! And when you work more or less 24/7 6 days a week you naturally have some shit to unload this 1 night a week… Imagine No boundaries and all this young hormones that are bound to come out, in one way, or another. So therefore most guides are hung over with 100s of stories to tell the day after.

 

Oki so sure I go out, but mostly not. This off day I did something I have wanted to do for many years but not had the guts to do. I pierced my navel! I know most people think it’s not such a big deal, unless you are shit scared of needles. I AM! I had my good friend with me and she had not realized how scared I was until it was over and I had managed to sweat a shadow of my own body on the surgical bed. Haha. Even the piercing man was chocked! It took me 5 min to stand up and when I do the next chock comes as I see he has pierced me with the WRONG jewel! What the fuck! I told him “ If you tell me I have to do this again I will kill you”. Drama drama. So now my friend has my jewel and we’ll change them in 30 days. I actually have it as a reminder on my phone! Important stuff you know.

 

Then we went for a nice lunch in the Harbour of Chania, with rosé wine. After we took a walk in the old town and bought some nice things. A lovely day really! I ended my evening with a cozy dinner with my best friend and a lovely dessert!

 

Today I was off! Rent a car time!!!

I went to my favorite beach, Kalives. Then I went for a small road trip along the coast; Almirida, Plake and Kokino Horio. After this I went to Kournas Lake and ended my day at the beautiful ancient village of Lappa, at Argiroupoli.

Check out the pics and Ejoy!

Samaria Gorge! I thought I knew pain, but you don’t know pain before you have walked through the Samaria Gorge. All I could think as I walked the last 3km of 18km was – why the hell do people want to do this on their vacation?!

This is a true nature experience; I haven’t seen anything so breath taking as this before. Ok the walk is tough, but  the scenery is so amazing its almost spiritual. And I’m not a spiritual person – no.

The walk is down hill and steep. Rocky and uneven. The Gorge offers deep forests, old settlements, snow white limestone contrasting with the green and brown of wild nature. Mountain walls 300m high and all shapes and colors.

Ok, I wanted to cry the last 3km but the feeling as I sat down for a late lunch in Agia Roumeli was just blissful.

To be honest I worked my ass off in the Gorge, no wonder I was in pain! It felt like walking through Europe. I passed people speaking; German, Italian, French, Russian, Danish, American, Greek and Norwegian.

So if on vacation in Crete, Go to Samaria!!!